Lovely airport adventures & ticket counter scare tactics

So as you may have read, I just got back from California… Yesterday! I had a blast with Amanda and her family and had an awesome time at Disneyland.

The flight to California was pretty uneventful and very nice, actually. I had tossed around the idea of just taking a carry on, so that I wouldn’t have to worry with a checked back. I have to say ‘Holy crap’ on $15.00 per checked back (just for your first bag, by the way) on either United and American Airlines. Seriously. You pay so much for a ticket, you would think that checked luggage would be included. I guess they have to get their cash wherever they can, huh? So, I check my bag in Omaha. $15.00. I can deal with that. I have to, if I want to fly, right? I get to Denver, CO, then on to California. Great flights! Fast forward on to yesterday. Monday. Oh. How. Fun.

Let’s start out by saying that I was a few minutes late, checked my bag in, paid $15.00 for my return flight (so, I basically donated $30.00 to the airline; is what I call it) get up to the ever-so-annoying ‘self check-in’. Who invented these things anyway? All they do is cause me to get really bitchy, have to ask the lady behind the counter (who is doing absolutely nothing, by the way, except laughing at me for wanting to toss this stupid machine off the runway). If there are self check in machines – why have a paid employee behind a counter that they aren’t doing anything at anyway? Ok, so I got off track. I printed my boarding pass. Uh. It didn’t say ‘boarding at 12:45’… like it was supposed to show. It showed ‘boarding at 2:55’. WTH? I panicked, before I got really pissy. Good order to have those emotions flare up in. The lady behind the counter said that I missed my ‘check in time’ by like 30 minutes.

Wha? Uh. *insert several key thoughts in here *

So I take the printed ticket. It says “We are unable to assign seating at this time. Please take this document and proceed to your gate for seating assignment.” At the top, it says “Priority Verification Card” Yeah. I felt like a VIP for about half a second. VIP, my ass.

So, I was told I missed my check in time by about 30 minutes and to go ahead and walk over to the gate on my ‘document’. I did this. Guess where my plane was? Uh. At the gate…. Still loading passengers. I have never, in my life, missed a plane. I am usually 2 hours early to any flight. Yeah. So I got to hang out in TGI Friday’s for 2 1/5 hours. Do you know how much a tall beer is in these places? $8.28 each. Where do they come up with these prices? Seriously. Why not just make the prices an even number? Yeah – they want to irritate us even further. This is what I have decided. I called hubby, ordered a beer (which was ever so needed at this point), tell him that I am going to be about 3 hours later than expected. I opened my Mini laptop, thinking this airport, like the previous 2, hoping to have Wi-Fi. Sure. It had it; but it was $7.99. Huh? $7.99 for a ‘day pass’. Yeah. That is fine and dandy, but a DAY? If I am in the airport for a day, I don’t know what I would do. Oh. Yes, I do. I would BUY the damn day pass. Keep in mind, I had already spent $8.28 for a beer to cool my crying nerves from missing my flight, so I whipped out the BlackBerry. Oh, how I love you Bernie BlackBerry! (Posts will be posted today)

Applications on a BlackBerry RAWK! I was on Yahoo messenger, chatting with Laurie. I love you Laurie.

I looked down. Beer was gone. Poof. Like a firecracker on the fourth of July. Mister bartender was very nice. Probably because I ordered just one more. I don’t need the airport’s stinkin’ $7.99 Wi-Fi. Bernie BlackBerry entertained me. (Just another reason to get a BlackBerry )

Wow. I am rambling.

I am sitting at TGI Friday’s, just down from my gate. Stalking, is what some may call what I was doing. I was typing away on my BlackBerry, gazing so heavy at the gate. I had mapped out that I going to haul ass to the gate once I saw someone, anyone, walk up to the counter. Poor counter person, they didn’t know what was about to happen.

After tall beverage #2 and two and a half hours later, I see a cute and what may appear to be a nice lady, walking up to the counter. “Oh… It’s ON now!” I thought to myself. I finished what was left in my glass, paid my $16.56 + tip ticket and walked down to have a chat. Being that I had already had tears in my eyes from earlier, I was ready to crank out more tears just to get a seat. Hell, I was ready to bribe the lady with my new Coach purse that I just treated myself to earlier in the week, in trade for a freakin’ seat on the plane. Yes. Bad me. I have a Coach obsession, but that isn’t the point.

I get up to the counter, holding my purse (ready to say goodbye to it.). I showed nice lady my ‘document’. She gave me confidence that I would make it on the plane. *singing off key* Halleluiah! I will feel confident once my rear is IN the seat.. ON the plane.

I was on ‘standby’. Ugh. Those words are not good ones when you are ready to get home to your hubby and your babies. Standby. PPFFTT on those words. Nice Counter Lady told me that I was ‘first’ on the standby list’. WOOT! So, in other words: someONE had to not show up for the flight. I was praying some other doof, just like myself, was late and missed this flight. I almost felt bad for wishing that someone would miss their flight. Almost. That feeling passed once my name was called. I wasn’t sure to be excited that Nice Counter Lady pronounced my name right, or knowing that I had a seat on the plane. Ok. Both, I was happy about.

BlackBerry in hand.. I am texting, calling, sending smoke signals to all that I know that I am IN LINE to get on the plane. I didn’t even care if they seated me next to a smelly person like on a previous flight; just as long as I was ON the plane.

Halleluiah!

I am on the plane!

Halleluiah!

They sat me next to a window!

Halleluiah!

I am in seat 7F. This seat ROCKS! No one in front of me. Feet up on the wall… typing out this post. Yes. I am a dork, but you love me. Admit it.

Halleluiah!

Fast forward past take off.. I need to go pee. BAD. I get up, once all is cleared. I look in each aisle on the plane. Uh. The flight is supposed to be ‘FULL’. Why do I see like 10 seats open?

This makes me really upset. Why? I missed my flight by a few minutes earlier. I could have gotten ON the previous flight. There was more than likely 10 seats open on ‘this full flight’.

Whatever. I am heading home. I am mad, but happy that I am heading home. Home. Ahhhh sweet home!

Dear Mr./Mrs. Whoever came up with ‘you are late for check in, you are on another flight’ rules,
I do not appreciate being put on stand by when I make it to my GATE 20 minutes before the plane takes off. I saw my plane. I waved at my plane. I sat at the gate praying that they would open the door and tell me to get on. There was probably empty seats on this ‘full flight’.

Sincerely,
Someone hoping to make it HOME some time this century

So I get off my first flight in Dallas, Texas. I ran hauled ass, to the next gate. I was going to make sure I was plenty early so that I could get a seat. Keep in mind that I did NOT have a seat, ticket or a boarding pass. I was told ‘chance it’ and run to the next flight. I found my gate number and ran. I am out of shape. I need to kick up my work out’s and get back in to better shape. Not so that I can be on a standby list again, but so I can text and run at the same time without running out of breath.

I get to the gate. Gate change. Lovely. I was about to throw myself on the floor and throw a fit like my 4 year old does, until nice counter lady said that the gate change was just at the next ticket counter. I still ran to the next counter, even through it was just next door. I don’t think I pushed anyone out of my way. If I did. I am sorry, but I got a ticket. I felt like I was a winner for a Willy Wonka Chocolate bar. I was waving around my boarding pass like I won the lotto. I did, technically, win the lottery though: I was heading HOME! I had 30 minutes to spare so I ran (again, I need to get in to better shape) and grabbed something to eat and brought it back to the gate, sat down and scarfed like I haven’t eaten in 9 days. I looked up only to see my name on the standby list… again. I almost freaked. Slowly swallowing my massive bite in my mouth, I walked up and asked if the boarding pass I had in my hot lil’ hands was valid. Oh, yes! It is.. She said. I love miss boarding pass ticket counter lady. Love her! I got on the plane and didn’t even care that I was in the back of the plane, over the wing.. I was ON the plane. Even though I sat next to a man that kept chewing (more like gnawing like he was starving) his nails and spitting them out, I didn’t care. I was ON the plane.

PS: Where is my luggage? I assume it will follow me home like a lost puppy.

Oh. And a cookie on the flight is $3.00. This cookie is about as big as my pinkie finger. What’s up with that?

Moral of the story: Get to the airport a day before your flight takes off. It will prevent you from being put on any lame standby list. Just kidding. I have never been less than 2 hours early for my flight. I am an early bird. I would much rather be too early for something, anything; especially a flight, than too late. Missing my first flight by just a hair really threw off my whole day.

If I fly again soon, it will be too soon. Now I see why I have so many miles on my poor minivan. I prefer to drive anywhere.

Home. Sweet. Home. I am home!

No flight personnel were hurt during the writing of this post.

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